Monday, February 6, 2012

*News Flash*


Hello my loyal followers and random creepsters,
 I've decided to upgrade my blog. I will continue to try to have popping cherry experiences (that just sounds wrong), but will now add my dating adventures aka train wrecks to the mix. 2012 has already started with plenty of memorable adventures in my dating life, so, why not blog about it? Everyone deserves a chuckle at someone else's expense. I'm happy to take that responsibility. If you can't laugh at yourself, then what's the point of gravy on mashed potatoes!? I'm not delirious, just .... quirky.
 I'm sure people, men and women, children, parents, dogs and cats, even the fatties and the anorexic, can relate to some of my experiences. In fact, $5 says you have better stories than me. Comment and share! I need to know I'm not alone in this 2 and a half ring circus we call the Dating World.
  Today's Entry: *takes a sip of her $7.99 Sauvignon Blanc*
 I'll start with last night. I have a fella...oh wait, I've blogged about him before. If you are a dedicated reader of my mildly entertaining escapades, then you'll recall my first blind date. Rigger is back in the picture. If you're new to this rodeo or need a refresh, then look back at my March blog posts. Look up the blind date one. Anyways, Rigger is back home for a bit, before he's off again on his oil rig. We meet up at my local dive bar, where everyone knows my name. Seriously, they do. I always have a "Norm" experience everytime I'm there. It's not helpful, yet convenient, that this bar is barely a mile away from home. Ok, maybe more than a mile. So he finally shows. We chat it up. This is the 3rd time we meet up in almost a year. The man is very busy when he gets to come back home for 3 weeks. At least, that's what I tell myself. Why do I still meet up with this guy? I don't know. There's something charming, yet too good to be true about him. Oh and I'm a sucker for someone that takes my hand, like something from a Jane Austen novel, and kisses it. *swoon* So, Rigger chats it up. Downs fireball whiskey one after the other. Orders whiskey with soda; I'm seeing some red flags here. Whoa! Slow down there, pally. What's the rush?!
 Rigger apparently was nervous around me and needs to take the edge off with 3 gallons of alcohol. Am I that intimidating to result a man to alcoholism??? What the hell is in store for me!? ugh! I ask him why do I make him so nervous. He replies saying that I'm just so pretty, exotic (thanks mom and dad), and that I'm such an independent and confident woman. He feels like I'm out of his league. Now, do I believe this BS or do I shrug it off? I was dumbfounded. So this sailor had enough to drink and I decided to pay my tab and take him home. As we were driving to his place, he was .... he requested I stay over. He wanted to have a cuddle session. Ummm what?! Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. This gal only cuddles when it's post coital and when you're in need of some support and comfort. Cuddle?! Seriously!? I felt for him. Does he like me or does he think that's what I want to hear?! As I am driving him downtown, he is adamant about the fact that I'm going the wrong way. Not only am I not drunk, ASS, but I have a GPS named MAGGIE that tells me I'm going the right way. Guys, I like to drink. I'm okay with drinkers, but if you're that kind of drunk, than you really need to reconsider you're social habits. I finally get to downtown, after much used patience, and he says to leave him right "here".
 "Ummm, we're nowhere near your place?"
 "Yeah, we are."
 "No, we are not."
 "Gabriela, I'm fine right here."
Ladies and gents, I was fine with that too. I pulled over. Said my goodnights, and told him to please text me when he gets home. He said that was fine and that he would contact me tomorrow to hang out. (WHOA! SUPER BOWL SUNDAY?! NO, THANX) That he was sad I wasn't going to cuddle with him, but that he understood because I was out of his league. I was....speechless. He walked away to god knows where, and I drove back to my dive bar. Peeps, I felt bad and responsible, but at least he wasn't driving. He still hasn't texted me to confirm his safety, though. Anyhow, you're probably thinking and asking yourself, what was so amusing about this date. When I get back to my bar and everyone greets me, "GABY!", I walk to my friend and tell her I'm back due to sloppy pants and I just couldn't babysit anymore. She says, "I'm glad you're back! He was a complete douche! While you were in the bathroom, Romeo asked for my number and asked if we could hang out some time soon! And winked right after!"
 You men are such amazing creatures. Bwahahaha, it baffles AND intrigues me.You spend countless hours telling a girl that she's out of your league and that you need to get inebriated to talk to her, yet you find the time to ask for her friend's number?! Yea, I was fine with Rigger finding his way back home.

To be continued....