Monday, October 3, 2011

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”


 This cartoon was appropriately chosen to describe what my mother said, after I confessed my next cherry popping experience (you're so dirty). I was fortunate enough to be able to cross something off my bucket list at such a young age. So no regrets here! I went bungee jumping, folks!
 Obviously, due to the fact I'm even blogging about it, I SURVIVED and enjoyed it! Would I do it again? I'll get back to you on that. I started to make this bucket list back in high school. I wasn't dying or anything; I just felt like I had too many life changing moments in mind, to keep them all in my head. A lot of the things on there, many would agree, are impossible dreams. Maybe I'll share my list on my next blog post. Anyways, I dragged two victims with me. What? Did you think I would take the risk of possibly dying alone??!!! HA! So naive!
 Kids, I had a moment of panic on that bridge. I could not remember for the life of me, why I wanted to do this. Oh, but this gal did not make a BIG DEAL out of this, and was not gonna bail. Do you recall my double-dog dare post? Yeah, I'm not a chicken shit. If I was, you sure as hell wouldn't know. Well, I guess now you might. Dang it. 
 So, I'm on the edge. My friend, Ryan, went first. He survived. I still had a 50/50 chance. Oh, that small, old, weak-looking crane did not reassure my good odds. I was relieved and glad I went to the bathroom before making this jump. I'm on the other side of the bridge, about to jump, and I just thought to myself..."Think of those people that would say your dreams are impossible of experiencing before you die. Shoot! If you die now, wouldn't you want to know you tried achieving your list at least?" I went for it! 
 WHAT A RUSH! I felt so confused and excited at the same time. Nothing was stopping me from falling for a couple of secs. Just continued to fall. It bewildered me. If you fall, the ground is there to stop you. Get me? Well then the cord stretched to its limits, and I ricocheted. Mom should have been proud, though; that I did not cuss. Or did I? I can't recall. HEY! You can't blame me for not remembering every single detail of that day. I was overwhelmed with emotions! As they were pulling me up, I had to toot my own horn. I didn't throw up! Aside from possibly dying, I was scared I would hurl while I was in the air. GROSS! 
 There it is. One of many things I will be crossing off my "Not impossible" Bucket List. Care to join me on my next adventure?


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Breaking up is hard to do...


"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women:  a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom." - Jerry Seinfeld

  That quote can go for both genders. I know that I can relate. That's what I want and I am looking for. I want someone to be there for me, just like I will be there for them. I want someone that will give me my space, just like I would do the same. I'm already claustrophobic; do you want to make be emotionally claustrophobic too? I went out with a certain "fish", and it went well. In fact, we had a 2nd "meet up" and that was a good night too. So, what was the problem you ask? HA! Well, we agreed on meeting Friday night after my Post-St. Paddy's Day celebration. He knew I would be sauced and randy. Smart guy. Sadly, something came up. I forgot that I made plans to meet with another fish for the first time. I wasn't gonna cancel, because I had some liquid courage going on. Enough to meet this new fish that was pretty damn attractive in his pics. Don't judge! Fish #1 was a cool guy, but did I see something serious in the future? No. Handful of dates? Yeah, why not? I had options and I was going to take advantage of it.
 Anyways, I told Fish #1 that I was too drunk and would love a rain-check. I needed to go home and sleep. There was no way I was going to be good company. Yes, I lied. Ugh! I hate lying, but I hate being rude and inconsiderate more. I couldn't tell him that I overbooked and had another date. (Stupid me! Looking at the outcome now, I should have.) Fish #1, somehow was already around my neck of the woods and wanted to check on me. I apologized for making him come out all the way over here (mind you, even though I never said to) and explained I didn't want to see him in this state. I didn't respond to the rest of the texts. I met Fish #2 and hit it off NICELY with him. Turned out, he was more nervous to meet me than I was. I'm so intimidating. ;)
  You're probably asking yourself now, "What was the "popped cherry" here? What was her "first"? I haven't gotten to that yet, Speed Racer! The next day, I apologized to Fish #1 again for my behavior. He responded saying things like I should keep my apologies for someone that buys it, and that when I'm ready to talk (instead of text) to give him a ring. I was fuming! I was incredibly shocked! What the hell is this guy having a hissy fit about?! I couldn't call him because 1) I was showing, my old art professor, Seattle while she was here for an art education expo and 2) I know not to have these types of talks while I'm riled up. I tend to stutter and not get to say everything that I want to. Too mad to make sense or complete sentences. I didn't respond to Fish #1, and I called him the next day. Sunday morning, after I had my coffee and breakfast, I laid on my bed and dialed this fool. I don't remember too much of what was said, but I sure remember being told that I was lying to him and shouldn't have. He asked what was he suppose to think when he gets home and sees me on google chat and on POF, instead of "sleeping it off". I could have told him that I knew I wasn't online because I was making out with a hottie in Costco's empty parking lot. I'm not that mean. Instead, I explained that my phone has a gchat app that has me logged on all the time. I also checked my POF earlier that night through my phone, which maybe kept me logged on. I also said that I didn't think I had to explain myself, and that I already apologized. If he didn't want to take it, than that was his problem. He accepted it and said he was just disappointed, because he was really looking forward to seeing me again. Crap. At this point, I was already seeing red flags, bad kind of fireworks, and neon lights telling me to stay away. He asked me out for that night, and I had to decline. I had plans to go to a friend's house for game night. I couldn't bail. He was pretty damn persistent, and wouldn't take no for an answer. He suggested to meet after game night. I told him I was tired and that I was gonna make it an early night. He "jokingly" said that he would be heart broken and lied to again if he saw me on gchat or POF, instead of sleeping. That's where I told him that I had to get ready, and we'll talk later. 
 I was creeped out. I was tired, and I was gonna call it an early night. But I'm also in the right to change my mind. If I was home and it's 10p, and I'm not sleepy, I should have the option to do something like get online or whatever I feel like. I shouldn't be worried who's gonna catch me on and what will they think? Ugh! Men! After much pep talk from my friends and practically a bottle of wine, I texted him with a simple "Fish #1, this isn't working out. I won't make it to dinner Tuesday. Take care." Yes, I texted it. At least it wasn't a post it! bwahahaha! He replied with, "W/e makes you comfortable. I kinda called this earlier. keep my number in case it stops feeling weird. still gonna root for you. get used to it. people think you're great. ;) (go gaby!)" W.........t.........I can't even finish that. 
 So there you have it ladies and gents, I have never "ended" things with someone. Why the quotes? Well, was there really anything to end in the first place?! That's why I placed the quotes, oh and try picture me doing them as air quotes. I love air quotes! 


 P.S. I'm such a heartbreaker.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Facebook is no longer my Anti-drug


As Lent was approaching, I decided to do something that I've been wanting to do, but never really had the motivation to do it. I said I was going to give up Facebook for Lent. Yeah, some of you are probably rolling your eyes. I don't consider myself a practicing Catholic, but I figured I should try to maintain a connection with the Big Guy. I'm not retarded either. I don't really believe He is going to be impressed with my sacrifice during this time of medtitation and spirituality. "Yes, my child. I hold you in big regards for not being able to finish your Scrabble game and RSVP 'Attending' to next week's party. Betsy over there, promised to volunteer in a soup kitchen every Saturday and gave up lying, but I still think you're the bee's knees." My God has a sarcastic sense of humor. Hahaha...we get along well. Hence, why I think he's fine with my decision. He knows it means more to me than just for Lent.
 Facebook was taking over. Personally, I don't think I have an addictive personality, but at times I think to myself, "Why push it?" FB, wasn't a way of connecting with old or new friends anymore. It was becoming a daily routine.  Having such an active role in my life, FB was affecting my personal growth and path to discovery. I was letting comments, statuses, pictures, or the lack of, affect the way I was seeing myself. I needed a break. I needed FB rehab. I know 40 days and nights are enough to show me that I'm in control of my life and feelings, definitely not others via a social network. I concentrated my time on getting back to my weight-loss, love life, and my private book club. Plenty of Fish was suppose to fill that empty void FB left behind. Thankfully, it doesn't manipulate my time. POF comes to me (messages), I don't go fishing. So, I thought, well I guess I can give another social network a try. What was that site called? The one with the little bird. TWITTER!
 Twitter and I, have had some ups and downs. I didn't get it. I think it's because I don't update my every move. Plus, I enjoyed reading other people's comments about what I was thinking or doing. You really truly can't do that with twitter. Though, lately twitter and I have bonded. We're getting along just fine. I have more time on my hands to make a twitter update; I post links to pictures and videos. It's slowly growing on me and becoming a lot easier to use. Anyhow, the real question here is, "After Lent, am I staying away from Facebook for good?" Ladies and gents, the jury is still out on that one. I have days where I don't even think about it, but then I have moments where I wonder what my friends and family are doing back home. Wondering what's new in their life. Yes, I can text some, or even call, but it's not the same. It's not enough. Facebook, can be used for good. If I decide to reactivate my account, it will be for keeping contact with Miami, and Nicaragua too. Seriously, the jury is deliberating a verdict. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

"Plenty of Fish" in the sea


 After my first blind date, I realized I need a better love life. The fact that I can probably count the amount of dates I have had all my life, on one hand (maybe with both), is pretty sad and a tad pathetic.I decided to join a dating site. I joined plentyoffish.com. I set up my profile, wrote a bit about myself, posted a picture or 4, and waited the first to take the bait. I got a couple of e-mails 20 mins after signing up. What's going on out there?! The fish are definitely biting! Now, are they desperate or am I?
 I don't think it's neither. I seriously think it's becoming the norm. Most likely you'll get better quality men or women if you sign up to a membership type of dating site, like eHarmony or Match.com. Though, it's still the same thing. You just have to screen them better. I'm going fishing, y'all. I see a handful of award winning fish. I'll keep you all posted.  I'm gonna commit to this and hope for the best.
 Since I'm extremely new to online dating, I'm a bit apprehensive about this. What exactly do I look for? Some might just be photogenic and really don't look as good face to face. Others sound great on paper, but completely the opposite of who they are. Geez! Am I really ready for this?? Do I consider myself a great detective or judge of character? Will I be able to pick out the "creepsters" from the "normal" folks?? This might get too stressful. I think I'll last a month tops! Bummer.

***Update Update****
 I joined on 3/9/11. It's now the 30th and I lasted only 3 weeks. It's quite sad, guys. Too many let downs and heart breaks. Not my heart, too :(

Friday, March 18, 2011

"That's odd. You sounded handsome on the phone."

 Stereotypically, blind dates have a bad rep. Automatically, you're thinking what's wrong with this person if they need to be set up? Well, it hit me. Doesn't that go vice-versa? Is there something wrong with my dating life; is there something wrong with me? Why do I need to be set up?
 Turns out, nothing is wrong with me. Apparently, I'm a catch! My friend thought I would be a great date for one of her friends. So, what's wrong with him then? According to my friend, there's nothing wrong. He's just away a lot since he works on a tanker. He doesn't get to meet many girls and wants to get to know someone cool to chill with while he's in town. Ladies and gents, I think we found a keeper. Someone that wants to "hang out" and isn't necessarily looking for something official??? Someone I won't run into somewhere in Seattle and feel awkward if I'm with someone else, or if they're with a date themselves?! Yes, please! Sign me up! Set this girl up!
 ~*Cue atomic bomb in my FACE!* Friends, it sounded good on paper.~
 A couple of text messages here and there were exchanged before the nerve-wrecking meet-up. He gets in on Tuesday and we agree to meet on Wednesday night. He cancels. I'm a bit disappointed, but totally understood. I would be tired too if I landed in Seattle at midnight, barely slept, had to wake up early to find a ride to my parents' house, and still find time to primp for a gorgeous date. Yeah, I'm that cocky. Pfft! So, I continued with my plans. I went to my happy hour and enjoyed myself amongst friends.
 "Rigger" texted me and expressed how disappointed he was he didn't get to see me. Said he felt like a zombie, and probably looked it. He just didn't want to meet like that. *Scoff* I'm feeling quite nice and toasty, due to the 2 Scandinavian Pops I had in me (half off!! HH prices), and I start thinking with my MP (metaphorical penis) again. I suggested we do something a bit lay low. Somewhere around where he is, so, we can at least get to meet and chat for a bit. Nothing fancy. Just a drink or two. He can suggest the place. The New Virgin Queen bats her eyes, flashes a smile, and gets what she wants. He said he was in, but that he didn't want to stay out too late. He wanted to make sure I knew he was up for getting together, but not to expect too much since he was dragging.
 People, let's be honest. He was thinking the same thing as I was. He's a guy!!!! I think like one (most of the time)!!! This boy was dealing with no rookie. It's not being cynical, it's being realistic. Turns out he was a bit under the influence too. We went to a local dive bar around his place. We hit it off pretty well.
 Loyal followers, he was "sprung on me." Words, straight from him, to my friend that set us up. What is that, by the way? That's a new word for me. I've heard of "smitten" or "head over heels", but "sprung"? Moving on, the boy was talking about camping in the summer, teaching me about the stars and constellations, and so on. I apologize, friends. I bought it for a slight MILLISECOND. He got me in a vulnerable state. I'm toasty, feeling randy, and he wasn't half bad. A tad short and hairy for my taste, but it worked for me. We covered a few "bases", definitely held back on the home run. Rigger was M.I.A for 2 weeks. No text, no call, nothing! Not even a courtesy booty call! Got me riled up! I was looking forward to some wine and dinning, with a side of an afternoon delight. Good thing I can find lots of ways to distract myself, though. I'll explain those in the upcoming posts, pervs!


*Update: Rigger showed his "pretty" little trimmed face a couple of days ago. He wants to meet up before he ships off in 12 days. I'm tempted, but I think someone needs to sweat a bit. No one makes Bettie West second guess herself, NOT even for a millisecond.*

YES I CAN!

 Ahhh!! How long has it been!? Way too long, that's for sure! So, let's see, have I popped any cherries since we last conversed? Why, yes I have. I went to our nation's capital, Washington, D.C., to visit Lexy. I have been there before when I was probably 14 or 15 years old. What I consider a new experience, though, is being able to visit a friend from home, elsewhere. I have lots of friends that moved out of Miami, and I never had a chance to visit them (No, Tati. Visiting you in Atlanta didn't count. Delta was nice enough to fly me out there for an interview, where I had the chance to also see you guys very quickly).
 I went with the intentions of visiting so much history, but with one main monument in mind. I was looking forward to seeing 'ol Honest Abe. Lincoln is probably one of my favorite presidents, and I just had to see the big guy on his porcelain throne. Wait, is it porcelain? Let's just say it is, because the joke would suck if it wasn't. Anyways, my trip consisted of booze, booze, Firefly, and more booze. It was flippin' delightful! It's now or never, no? Can I really do these types of trips when I'm partnered up and 40, and maybe with adopted Russian and Nicaraguan toddlers? No, I could not do these types of adventures. It was blissful! Oh, and there was icing on the cake, boys and girls. I met me some Aussies! Full blown "Dingo ate my baby" Aussies! YummMMmM....those accents are delish! Then again, I'm a sucker for any kind of accents. Hmm, no, not any.  Sadly, I was only able to get a Facebook name out of one of them. Crikey! I wanted my trip down under. Oi..Oi..Oi..
 DC, definitely left me wanting more. I loved the fact I was able to walk a block to the Metro, and be a hop, skip, and a jump away from museums, bars, monuments, Presidents, and somewhere I can pay tribute to admirable, courageous fallen soldiers. I could totally get used to living in an area like that. I forgot how much I missed living on the East coast. People are way different, and there's something in the air. Success? Persistence? Cut-throat competition? It's something you just have to experience. If you have lived it, and it wasn't your cup of tea, then no worries. It's not for everyone. You are, who you are; even if you're a dirty hippie west coaster, God still loves you. HAHAHAHAHA....
 While I was on this wonderful vacay, I realized something about me. Something I knew, but really never fully embraced it. Well, lately I have been. In fact, I've blogged about it. I'm a geek. I know this, you know this, but sometimes it's hard to be ok with it. I spent that weekend watching Firefly for the first time and loving it, having debates like "Batman vs. Superman", participating in trivia night (I knew the quote was from Princess Bride and another one from Tropic Thunder), and I was surrounded by  geeks, nerds, and NEEKS! It felt nice. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of those in Seattle. I have no regrets on moving here. If I would have never left Miami and it's beautiful SoBe, I would probably still be in the "geek closet". I'm glad I'm finding out who I am, and being okay with it.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Popping cherries, popping champagne

 Forgive me, blog, for I have sinned. It has been about two weeks since my last posting. I'm terrible, I know. In fact, I feel atrocious and guilty for being so behind. I didn't forget about you, I just got busy and quite distracted. Also, I felt horrible for not having any adventures to talk about. By the way, dear kind reader, let me ease your anticipation now. I still don't have too much discuss. I did have a couple of firsts in the past two weeks, it's just I might have to refrain from sharing too many details. It turns out that I do have a handful of family members that read my blogs every now and then. Crap. Oh well, I won't hold back too much; I gotta keep it intriguing.
 We'll start with the firsts of these firsts. I had a girls night last week that will be going down in history. We went to a total dive bar and participated in their karaoke night. It was so much fun that we decided to make it a monthly thing. Same bar, same night, same time, and same girls. Hopefully, I'll be meeting someone new every time. Hehehehehe...I met my first ginger. Total redhead, straight from Ireland. Okay, he wasn't full blown Irish, but he sure was Irish descent. I, of course inebriated, didn't notice that till the next day. To my defense, the bar was dimly lit and he had a hat on. Anyways, his nationality wasn't the only "first" that night. You (my blog) came to mind. I thought to myself, "What haven't I done ever with a guy?" I have never kissed with my eyes opened. Wild, aren't I? Well hey, I find it incredibly disturbing to do such a thing. Why would you kiss with your eyes opened!? How can you get passionate or totally into it, if you're busy looking at how someone looks like when they're kissing? To resume, I seduced this boy and he stole a kiss from me at the end of the night. I took a chance of being caught, and opened my eyes. GEEZ, that was awkward. I didn't last long; I had to close my eyes quickly before I lost the metaphorical chubby I had going. LMAO! Oh, Gaby, you're so gross. =P
 Another first I had last week was eating Thai food for the first time. MmMmMmMm nom nom nom, party in my mouth. Looking forward to having more. Oh and I forgot to mention I sang, and almost performed, my stripper song at karaoke night. I love Warrant's Cherry Pie. I have always been embarrassed about singing in front of strangers, let alone a very erotic and HOT song like Cherry Pie. Friends, it will be repeated. It's how Bettie West was created. Who is Bettie West?? Well, it's one of my firsts. I created my first alter-ego. Creepy? Insane? Nah. I see it as original, innovative, confident, amusing, should I go on?  My alter-ego is a concoction of Bettie Page's sexy, adventurous personality and Mae West's cheeky, sassy, spicy, suggestive wit. Bettie has come out to play for two very entertaining, never boring, weeks. She's actually inspired some ideas for my "pop cherry" blog. Things to come: possible streaking, sky diving, bungee, voodoo, skinny dipping, men in uniforms, and maybe Vegas. Oh, blog of mine, I will make up for abandoning you for so long. I'm guessing these couple of firsts didn't make up for too much, but it sure reconnected us.

Here's to scandalous future posts...Cheers!

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."  - Mae West

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Life is a highway

 I bought (leased) my first car this past weekend. After 3 days of torture, I finally got a new car. No more hand me downs, no more 50K+ mileage, and pure freedom! Well, it's not like I was restrained or incarcerated at my sister's home, but I was considerate with how much I took my brother in law's car out. So, now I have Jean Grey (yes, I name my cars) and the open road calling my name. She's a beaut. It wasn't love at first sight since I've always wanted a white Jeep Wrangler (I blame Clueless), but she has somehow wiggled her way into my heart. The only feature I wanted in my new car was a sunroof. Pretty silly since I'm currently residing in one of the most wettest cities.
 One of the things I kept making sure about the cars was if they had spacious backseats. HEY! I'm used to taking friends around and I wanted to make sure they would be comfortable back there. Anyways, this Corolla wasn't as spacious as the other cars I found, but something about it just called out to me. Maybe it was the fact that it was way within my budget, unlike the others. I'm so easily persuaded. On a serious note, though, my brother in law kept asking me if this was the car I WANTED! He kept saying, "I don't want you to settle." I don't find myself settling. The day will come when I will get my Jeep. Till then, I'm fine with finding what's good for now. (Whoa! Did I just stumble into another topic?) I told my brother in law that even though a Corolla wasn't even in my list of preferred cars, I'm pretty easy going. I know it will grow on me if we start with some connection at first. Jean had my moonroof (that's what they're called now. Still don't get it), and she was new with only 23 miles on her. I knew we could start from there. Now it's Wednesday and I can honestly say that I'm falling head over heels for her. Seattle had a beautiful sunny day today and I was able to drive around with my sunroof wide opened. It felt remarkable, momentous and significant. Being 3,000 miles away from home, from everything I've ever known, had me feeling a bit misplaced. I felt like the girl I've come to be or thought I was, had been missing or just plain stumped. I couldn't seem to grasp some familiarity in my new humble abode. Something that would make me feel like me and my old routine. I stupidly came here without a job, and that threw me off completely. I made friends (which I'm thankful for every day I spend here), but it still wasn't enough to feel like my old self.
 However, since my trip back home for the holidays, I feel like Gaby is back. I thought it was due to being home that helped me find my way, but I realized it wasn't. After today's drive, I came to the conclusion that I was lacking confidence. The confidence I felt when I was surrounded by my friends and family. I don't need that anymore. I have self-confidence, and my friends and family are perks. That goes for whatever city I choose to live in. I can move to Atlanta or Austin, and I'll still be proud of who I'm becoming. It's sad that by getting a car and feeling like an adult again, I was able to realize all this. Miami was helpful in bringing me back, but it's all up to me now on remembering that I am who I am where ever I go.

 Damn it! I was determined to make this blog crude and funny, and I just got all deep and shit. My apologies. I meant to say, "I got insightful and profound." I guess I'm bound to have my "off days" every now and then, and no, I'm not on the rag. Getting back to Jean, she'll be coming to Miami with me. Not sure if I'll be putting 3K in her (that sounds dirty), or ship her off by her lonesome self. We'll get to that when the time comes.

Catch you on the flip side, loyal followers.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Potterheads will take over the world!

 As you may already know, I'm currently residing in Seattle. Most would say this place is inhabited by "smarty pants"; others would call them geeks or nerds. I don't mind either one of them. In fact, I welcome them all. They're great entertainment and loyal friends; at times, I kind of consider myself a closet geek. (Tip: If you want to continue being my friend, sustain yourself from commenting otherwise). Do you guys know the difference?
 Well a nerd is more of a studious and intelligent creature; one whose IQ exceeds his/her weight you might say. Then there's a geek; a creature with a devotion to something in a way that places him/her outside the mainstream or norm. I am a huge Harry Potter fan. Does that make me a geek?
 Since October, Seattle has been hosting Harry Potter: The Exhibition. I want to get this out there right now, but some have asked me, "Why hasn't Miami hosted this exhibit? Are they too cool for that stuff?" HEY! Miami has other nerdy stuff going on. Besides, why host an exhibit when we can have a Potter tourist attraction in our backyard 24/7? I cannot book a flight for Orlando, so, I must settle for the exhibit. Ladies and gents, I'm sure I will be having a stroke once I step into The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Just by attending this exhibit, I was oozing with emotions. I was excited, ecstatic, and stimulated (yes, I said it. Once I saw Potter's robes, I wanted to jump into his twin dormitory bed and be ravished!). I wanted to practically live there. Never wanted to finish the tour. Once I reached the end, I was fighting the urge to go back to the beginning and start all over again. Alas, I wasn't alone and couldn't do so. Even though my friends were fellow Potter lovers, they don't have it as bad as I do.
 Funny story. I finally got together with my coffee date last night, and discussed the exhibit among other fun conversation starters. I realized there is such a thing as a 3rd creature. Somehow, a geek and a nerd found themselves lonely and attracted, and decided to reproduce; then there was the conception of a "neek". My friend, Ryan, is a neek. A neek is basically a book-smart geek. 
 I'm on a mission now, everyone. Are there others? I gotta find me some more neeks. I will wrestle one down and tie him up. Hoo-eee! Rodeo style! In all seriousness, though, think about it. Forget nerds or geeks taking over the world (if they haven't already), I think neeks are the future. I can see it now! During my lifetime, I will see a woman president who is a member of MENSA, and has the complete wand collection of Harry Potter. That shit will be displayed in the oval office for sure.

That's not gonna happen, is it? ............... Frick. >=\

Sunday, January 16, 2011

CEO hoe is better than an Office hoe

 First, I would like to start things off with apologizing. I already messed up one of my resolutions. Sadly, I haven't been up to date with my blogs. I consider myself an honest woman, so, I'm gonna share this important thought with you. As much as I'm enjoying this blog project, I realize there's no way I'm going to be able to find something fun and new everyday. I don't want to bore you with very mundane events, like eating a portabella sandwich for the first time. That was actually on my to-do list. Be thankful I didn't go through with posting that. SNOOZE FEST! I'll be posting a lot, but probably just not everyday.
 Last night, I attended my first CEOs and office hoes party. I'm a sucker for themed parties, therefore, I was most definitely attending. I thought long and hard about my outfit. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a CEO (which most men were gonna dress up as) or an office hoe (which I thought would be too bland for me). I decided to go for both! I'm a successful CEO with needs that need to be met, and has no problem with getting them fulfilled. I had a blast playing dress up! Unfortunately, I realized something that might affect my last couple of months here in Seattle. Men in this city are just not cutting it out. These past two days have been filled with a lot of flirting. Though, I came to the conclusion that I took the lead in all the flirting. Some of the men I encounter were real chatty, but that's because they were hammered. The ones I wanted to actually converse with were shy little buggers. Come on now! I won't bite, unless you're into that and then I'm all for it. I don't like a chauvinistic man, but I don't mind one that can be just as aggressive and confident as I am. Am I too much for these Seattle males? Am I too much of a "wild child"? Do I need to tone it down? PFFT! naaaahhhhhh.....Popeye said it best, "I yam what I am!"
 Clearly Seattle, you're gonna have to up your game if you want me to leave with good memories. In fact, if you want to keep me here longer, "be aggressive, B- E aggressive..."

Friday, January 14, 2011

Smile like a Saint, curse like a sailor...

I don't consider myself a groupie, but when it comes to Dashboard Confessional, I just can't help myself. I fight the urge to take off my underwear and throw it at him, or better yet, flash him some boobies! However, I am a lady in public and somehow find the strength to restrain myself. I found out back in December they were touring and were actually gonna be performing in Seattle. I bought my ticket asap! Unfortunately, I forgot to check if any of my friends in Seattle were even interested in DC. HA! Guess what? Only one of them was, and she was tight on money...I think. Oh sweet baby Jesus, I'm going to a concert by myself?! I posted it on FB to see if anyone would get into it, but I guess I did it too early. Shit, I even forgot about it till a week before the concert.
 The concert was extremely entertaining. I wasn't really looking forward to attending alone, but I figured it would be a blog entry. I made the line to will call by myself =( ; was about to get a drink, but thought, "Do I want to really be sloshed, alone, and melancholy due to Chris Carrabba's music?!" It was weird and awkward. I stood there thinking about what to do. Should I find a spot and get comfy? Should I introduce myself to someone and make a new friend? (hahaha...right!) Should I just walk out? (Hell no! I paid $30. I'm still "unemployed"!) So, I stood there looking for a great spot near the stage. I figured to make the best out of this. I've had a meal at a restaurant by myself, and I've gone to see a movie by myself too. Might as well continue to "pop my cherries".
 I saw two performances before my friend, Lissette, came to the rescue. It turns out she was a fan of DC too. She just never knew about me purchasing a ticket, or saw the link I posted. Either way, it's not like I was having a horrible time, but I was just having way too many good memories of home playing over and over again in my head. Back in Miami, I used to do a lot of concerts with friends. It was always tradition to see DC with my bestfriend, Bea. I was getting homesick and was having a hard time getting out of it. You couldn't really see it on my face since I'm good at hiding it, but it was most definitely going on in my head. Having someone there was helpful with my longing for home. Liz was able to get a ticket from a scalper outside. She paid $15! That lucky wench! LoL Having a friend there helped stop the memories that were close to ruining my experience with Chris. One awesome thing about that night was getting to hear a new band called, lady danville. They were truly a new sound I can get used to.
 In short, I don't see myself attending another concert alone anytime soon. If it's a band that I know my friends would have attended, but couldn't, then I'm most definitely not gonna go. If it's a band that I love and I don't want to miss, I would think twice but probably end up buying a ticket. I'm pretty opened to it now. Just give me some more time to fully be comfortable in my own skin. I'm nearly there. Just one step at a time.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Winter Wonderland?...pa-lease!

*WARNING*: An excessive amount of bitching and whining will be occurring through out this post. If you are are allergic to complaints, bullshit, or anything close to that matter, please be advised to walk away. I assure you; you will have a deathly reaction. Continue at your own risk.

 Seattle was expecting about 4 inches of snow last night. Yeah, according to Seattleites, it "never" snows here. Nevertheless, this is my second winter here and I have seen it snow at least 3 times. I am not a fan. It's beautiful, I admit that. Unfortunately, it's pretty damn scary too. I don't see sledding, snow tubing, snowboarding, skiing, or snowmen and snowball fights. I see icy roads, collisions, power outages, freezing to death, avalanches, or frostbite. Kids see snow days, I see boredom!
 Now take in mind, I have never driven in snow. Randomly, my sister or friends, have been the drivers. After seeing a couple of big trucks or SUVs slide down a street onto a busy traffic light, I basically took a big shit in my pants. I know that was gross, but there's no other way to describe the fear that erupted in me. Even so, I had to get out there sometime. I'm a nanny with kids to drop off or pick up from school. Today, I drove in the snow. Thankfully, the weather cooperated with me. It rained and the temperature rose. It didn't let the snow become black ice, or harden. Oh man, there IS a God, and he's obviously on my side.
 Next thing I did, was pee in the snow. LMAO! I'm kidding! I don't believe in literally freezing my ass off. I got creative and decided to write a special message for the people I love and miss back home. Did you know that Florida is currently the only state without snow!? Oh sweet, Sunshine state. How do I miss thee? Let me count the ways.
 Snow, Snow, Snow...ugh! It really gets me in a bad mood. Imagine a woman during PMS and who also hasn't been laid in a year! It's almost a restless and frustrated kind of feeling. I tell myself "No worries. Come summer, I'll be heading back to the east coast." It's actually bittersweet. I love the friends I've made in Seattle. I also love the experiences and memories, but it's time I move on. I gave Seattle a chance. The first year was tough, but the second time around, I poured 100% into it. It just didn't work out. My sister still lives here, and my AWESOME friends will continue to live in this beautiful city I recommend to visit only. hahahaha...Thus, I will be visiting often (never during winter, guys).


P.S. I never saw myself as the kind of person who dresses up just to go to the grocery store, but I don't see anything wrong with looking good. During the winter, "looking good" is just not perceivable. You need to bundle up, in order not to freeze to death; and some coats and jackets are just an eye sore. I will never understand how you can make yourself look attractive during a cold ass winter. See example below. Oh yea, real hot stuff there. ::cat calls::

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

27 dresses

 I got asked to be a maid of honor today! My cousin, Ana Maria, is getting married and popped the question. Of course, I said yes. What an honor! I was my sister's maid of honor when I was 10 yrs old. It doesn't count, though. Some of you might be thinking this is cheating, but I'm in charge of this blog so what I say, goes! hahahaha... At 10 yrs old, there's really no maid of honor duties. The most I was in charge of was holding my sister's bouquet during the wedding. I didn't get to attend the bridal/bachelorette party. It sucked! It's different now. I get to help my cousin pick her gown, hopefully get a chance to plan out a bachelorette party, maybe make a toast, and support her through it all. Oh and the best part is this will be a destination wedding for me. My cousin lives in Nicaragua. Yea, not literally "butt fuck Egypt", but sure close to it. I can't wait!
 She told me I'm in charge of my dress (I love that freedom). Whatever style or design I want, just as long as it's red. Yeah, ladies; she described it as blood red. Hey! She's the bride and I say how high!? I have till October to lose 44 lbs and save about $500! I have 10 months; it sounds very achievable. I sound really excited about this, huh? Well, who doesn't love a great party and a day to dress up? Meanwhile, there's the whole idea of marriage that keeps nagging me in the back of my head.
 I'm not one to agree on the institution of marriage. Yes, my parents have been together for 44 yrs (I think) and I shouldn't be so pessimistic. I can't help it, friends. These are different times I live in, compared to my parents'. The longer I wait to get married, the better chance I have not to get a divorce. http://marriage101.org/divorce-rates-in-america/. I don't see the big rush, but "to each its own." Clearly, I'm not one to get in your face and say, "Don't do it!" I'm the kind of person that stands by you and hopes to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph you don't become another statistic. In other words, I wish you seriously the very best. Therefore, I'll be by my beautiful, practically my sister, cousin's side and try my hardest to hold back tears. Pfft! Who am I kidding? I never cry at weddings. They feel too awkward to lose any bodily fluids for.
Mazel tov!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Bit the weenie, Riz!!!...

 Yes, I suck. I tried to start today's post, but I just can't sit here in front of the computer without feeling more than queasy. Since I haven't really made any rules for my blog, here is the first one. I'm entitled for one sick day a month, just as long as I get to replace it with a "thought of the day".
"Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will." - Jawaharlal Nehru
 I can, but won't be elaborating on this one. Not very sure on who exactly reads and follows my blog. I'm not willing to risk my karma or integrity. I just want you to read it and make sure you understand what he's trying to say. I should be feeling better tomorrow, friends. I bid you adieu.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

 I promised a "post-worthy" night and I think mission was accomplished, or at least I hope it was. I not only had one "cherry popped", I had another first time experience as well. Remember my Christmas Story post? Well, I'm known to never turn down a double-dog dare, so, my friend Janet decided to give me a good one. "I double-dog dare you to ask a boy out for coffee. He must live in Seattle, and you must be attracted to him. You get extra points if he's a stranger." Wow. What the fuck did I get myself into!? There's a reason some stereotypical duties of a man haven't been replaced by women. We left it that way. The very thought of risking my ego just for a simple positive one syllable word is redonkulous. But at last, I never turn down a dare (within reason, of course). Thus, I was set on enjoying a quaint dinner among friends and consuming enough liquid courage to ask a man out.
 Dinner was filled with stories of sexting, deportation, nipple piercings, skiing, and snow tubing. *Sigh* ahhhh, it's never boring with us, so of course, I was easily distracted from my mission. The night was coming to an end, and the party was dying down. My friends somehow forgot to recharge their internal batteries. I needed to complete this mission and had no back-up. What to do? What to do!? Thankfully, most of my friends got a second wind and decided to continue the night for a bit longer at Oliver's (a hotel bar less than a block away from the restaurant). They are faithful followers of my blog and couldn't let me down. "Gaby was gonna get her blog adventure!"
 "Gaby" threw in the towel as soon as she walked into that bar. LOL Guys, the place was nearly empty and let's just say it was slim pickings. I said, "Fuck it! I'm just gonna enjoy my drink, among great company, and forget my blog." If you know me well enough, you know that didn't happen. I kept wondering what will my post be about. Well, a very helpful attractive friend of mine, Ryan, pointed out that this establishment sold Absinthe. HUZZAH! This was on my "First time" to do list. Score! Bring it on. Couldn't wait to try it.
 Ladies and gents, my heart cried a sad song last night. As our waitress brought our absinthe, I'm baffled by its presentation. Where's the neon electric green liquid, and where's my flying fairy!?! I've been jipped! But at last, the show must go on! I needed an adventure and I was gonna have one. I took a swig and tried to make the best out of it. About 30 minutes later, I still didn't get the experience I thought I would get from absinthe. ALTHOUGH, after time progressed, my level of courage increased. I took the bull by the horns and went for it. I looked straight into Ryan's eyes (or at least I'd like to think I did) and said "Ryan, would you like to have coffee with me?" Of course, Ryan being the sweetheart that he is (poor thing..lol), accepted. However, I forgot to mention I stupidly did this in front of our friends and thought to myself, "Did I just push this poor guy into a corner?!" Oh man, I guess I'm gonna have to not only buy his coffee to make up for it, but maybe I'm gonna have to put out too. Damn it! Why do I care so much?

(Side note: Family members of mine, I'm not the promiscuous woman I'm portraying to be. Don't have a cow, man! and don't go snitching to mom.)

Hmmmm, I didn't get jipped. They just decided to give me the end result...I guess last night's bartender doesn't believe in foreplay. Bastard. It's all about the build up, arse!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Vestida y alborotada (google translate that shit)

  I missed my first post last night. Does that count for a new adventure? Yeeeeaaah, I wouldn't count that shit either. Hahahahaha Anyways, in my defense, I had one set up and ready to go. I had a game night to attend to and I was hoping to meet my first full blown, pure bred Italian Stallion. Don't get me wrong, game night was awesome! You can't have a bad time when wine and games filled with sexual innuendos are involved. I was just pretty bummed out that I, technically, got stood up. My friend was going to introduce me to her roman amico, Ciro. He just flew in from Roma and I believe will be staying for a couple of months.
 I guess I should start by saying, "Hello, everyone. My name is Gaby, and I'm addicted to Italy." Anything Italian based, I gotta take a hit of. So, when my friend said she had someone flying in from Rome, my vajayjay squealed with joy and glee! (TMI? then you really shouldn't continue reading future posts. LOL)
 Ciro decided to bail on game night and I didn't get to meet my ragazzo. I don't blame the guy; first night in Seattle and I'm gonna play some board games with strangers? Hmmmmm...let me think about this one. I was mostly, slightly, just a tad, disappointed with my friend. She practically gave me blue balls! Picture it this way:

You're a guy and your date (or gf) says, "You're gonna get some tonight. Oh you're so gonna get some tonight." You take her to a romantic restaurant and then, "Thanks for dinner, babe. These oysters and wine have me feeling randy. You ARE sooo gonna get some tonight." Finally, you take her back to your place, set the mood, get her more wine, dim the lights, and pop in some Barry White. As you sit next to her and caress her face, she pulls out the V-card and says, "This doesn't feel right." What.....the......fuck!?

Don't tell me you're coming, you're trying to head out, and you'll "holler" when you're around the corner and don't show up!!! Metaphorical BLUE BALLS, for sure! Bail on the idea from the beginning and save me the "wine and dinning" part. Oh man, she's lucky I have love for her.
 Game night made up for the fact I got stood up (not by one, but by two people), but I missed out on a blog post. No worries, my loyal followers, I know I will be making up for that. Tonight? Oh yes! I'm determined to make tonight a "post-worthy" night out of it.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

COOKIEEEEE MONSSTER!!!! Nom nom om om...

Today's adventure comes from my secret desire of becoming a culinary genius! I discovered, this summer, a love for cooking and a tiny crush on baking. Sink or swim! While I had the house to myself this August, I had to cook and fend for myself. Now that the family is back, I haven't been cooking or baking as much. I decided to kill two birds with one stone. Let me bake something that I have never done before and get to do what I love and haven't done in a while.
 I have made chocolate chip cookies hundreds of times, but they're the Pillsbury already-made cookie dough stuff. So, I took the challenge and decided to make cookies from scratch! Guys, here and now, I will say this, I will never make cookies from scratch again! What a pain in my ass! Ok ok ok, to their defense, I was too lazy to print out the recipe and I got annoyed having to go back and forth to the laptop. But still, they're a mess! Also, knowing what they are made of, I feel sooooooo guilty in eating one those things. They're pure sugar!!!! I gotta come up with a recipe that tastes great, but doesn't make a fat kid go into an epileptic shock. Can that happen? Educate me, please. =P (I rather hear it from a person, than end up googling it)
 Anyways, the cookies came out great. My nephews loved them. My niece is taking some to school to seduce, I mean, share with a friend of hers; of course, the adults thought one was enough with a glass of milk. It was a successful first attempt. Although, I'll be honest, I'll consider it a success if one of these kids gets a cavity by next week. SCORE!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I double-dog-dare you

 I'm really enjoying this resolution of mine. I'm trying to come up with the most creative ideas for each post. Something new everyday. I kind of hit a bump today, though. I got so distracted with every day stuff, that I almost forgot about doing something. So, I started thinking, "Hey, I said I could read something new and write about it." Yeah? No, I gave up on that. Instead, I came across an image of one of favorite holiday movies, A Christmas Story.
 If you can remember one of the most funniest parts of this movie, then you'll know where I'm at getting with this. I saw this flick when I was pretty young and always thought that "can't be true". There's no way. Can your tongue really get stuck to a flag pole like that? Well, I decided to finally see if it was Hollywood magic.
 No, my friends. I'm in no need of a small yellow bus or some sort of special education. CURIOSITY might have killed the cat, but I am no cat! I decided to open the freezer door and place my tongue on the ice bucket lid. It stuck right on there. It was seconds before I decided to pull away and felt a tug. CRAP! What the fuck did I just do!? I think to myself, "You fucking retard!" No worries, no worries. I pulled away, as fast as I would take a band-aid off, and it worked. It stun for a bit, bled a little, and I look up closely and notice I left some sort of skin residue on the lid. GROSS! The things I do for my blog. I'm so dedicated to this thing. After today's experience, I realized I'm willing to commit to this 100%. Even if my adventures make me look like an idiot to a bunch of strangers. Now, if my readers are friends, then this post really shouldn't come to you as a surprise.
 Ladies and gents, you literally should "not do this at home". There are some things you should just let it be. Don't worry, guys. I won't be watching any of the Jackass movies any time soon. bwahahahahahaha

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

WARNING: Not recommended for Men...

 Oh boy! A little heads up, my faithful readers, this post isn't for everyone. It was time for this to happen and I had to go with it. I'm sticking to my commitment. I said I was gonna post something new every day. Something I have never experienced. So, today I went to my first gyno appointment.
 Oh. God. Why?! Seriously, people! Why on earth were gynos ever created!? It is the most awkward, uncomfortable, most vulnerable experience I have ever witnessed. The fact that this appointment has made an educated 26 year old woman like me feel like a retarded prepubescent 12 year old, is still beyond me. I have never been the type to use "um's" and "like's" in my sentences, but stick me in a room with a gynecologist and somehow I'm a stutterer with "um's" and "you know's". I felt like slapping myself upside the head. Woman up, Gaby! Thank goodness I had a woman doctor! Can you imagine if I got stuck with a silver fox or worse, someone as old as my dad?!
"Yes, Doc. I would like you to take a look at this. Is it serious? Should I be worried?"
Then I start thinking, "Dear Lord, this could be my father! My dad could be looking at my vajayjay!"
 Judy Blume forgot to mention that Margaret eventually needs to make an appointment when her gyno and spread eagle! Blume, you're all lies! You prepare me for puberty and training bras, but you fail to prepare me for such manhandling! Wow...a lot of exclamation marks, huh? Well, what can I say? This was a experience for the books. One to go down in history.
 I'm choosing not to go too deep into this (refrain from making any jokes there, pervs), for the sake of our blossoming relationship. I don't want to lose your attention just yet. I rather gross you out further along in the year when I decide to eat cow brains, or when I choose to pierce my labia minora. HAHAHAHA yea....um right.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Nanny Diaries...

 Today I was Mary frickn' Poppins! Oh, who am I kidding!? I was nowhere near a spoonful of sugar. My sister started her first day of work this week. I'm helping her out by watching my youngest nephew who still only goes half a day to school. I did the whole drop off thing, couple of house errands, and then picked him up. What do I feed this kid!? I've worked with children before, but they were all recreational activities. I did summer camps, after-school, and special events like birthdays or Holiday festivities. I've never been a nanny. Just because he's my nephew, doesn't mean it doesn't count.
 This is one "virgin" adventure I could have done without, thank you very much. It's official. I do not want kids. They're great when they're not yours. You enjoy them for an hour or so and give them right back. So, why would I want to put myself in a situation where I won't be able to get rid of them till they're 18 (if I'm lucky)? I don't understand you, pro-creators. More power to you, hippies! Friends and family have told me I won't truly know if I want kids or not till I meet the right man, and picture having a family with him. Has anyone ever thought about me meeting someone that doesn't want kids as well?! Not sure if you remember, but I'm the type of person that wants to upstage a 6 year old!!! hahahahahaha I'm terrible. Don't get me wrong; I love my nieces and nephews. I just appreciate the fact they have parents who are not me. =P
 To sum up, I have been hired by my sister to feed, play, and teach my nephew 5 days a week. I started today by making a pizza out of a whole wheat wrap. Creative? I sure think so. Did it work? Kid ate it all. Will I survive till the summer when sis gets vacation? I sure hope so.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Vandalism! what a rush!


 Today's adventure might be considered a bit dull or humdrum for some, but for me it was filled with excitement and arousal. Shhhhh...I'm a lady. You will hear no more about that. Oh pish-posh, who am I kidding?! You will hear plenty in future posts. So, moving on, I decided to pop my vandalism cherry. I have never written on anything that I wasn't encouraged to. For example, I went zip-lining last year and they had a wall where they welcome their guests to sign their zip-lining experiences. I don't consider that vandalism. According to Webster, vandalism is the willful or malicious destruction of public or private property. Signing "'Over the Hill' Achievement -Gaby '10" doesn't really sound malicious to me, but who knows? Maybe some 50+ yr old might find it in bad-nature for a 26 yr old referencing the term "over the hill".
  I thought long and hard about where to leave my eternal footprint. I decided to visit my good friend in Fremont. He lives under a bridge and is referred to as the "Fremont Troll"; yea, oh so clever, huh? As I pulled up to my creepy friend's residence, I realized just because Seattle's sunset time is 4:30p!!!!!!!!!! (I might be exaggerating a tad), it doesn't mean tourists stop sight-seeing when the "sun" goes to bed. I waited for a good 30 mins; stared aimlessly at this boring troll and taking endless amount of pictures that I would be deleting as soon as I get into my warm car. Yes, I was standing in the cold (28F) and waiting "patiently" for these tourists to get a-stepping! 
 I get my moment! They walk away and I walk towards the troll with my handy dandy marker. It's permanent black, none of that washable crap. Oh yeah! what a rush!! Now, what to write!? It's gotta be impressionable, insightful, or crude and insulting! I GOT IT! EUREKA! "Go suck on a troll nut -GB '11" Readers, I made it known, in the beginning of this post, that I'm aware some might laugh at how stupid, boring, and even maybe retarded this may be. But no one can take the rush I got from tonight away from me. I, Gaby Baez, vandalized a tourist attraction tonight. Sure it's no space needle (that might be next on my list), but it sure was invigorating.
 I don't know how the hooligans, I mean, graffiti artists do it. It sure was an adrenaline rush, but the constant looking over my shoulder with every car passing or bump in the night, was enough for a one-time experience.  

 I wonder if this time next year, it will still be there. If this troll magically scrubs it away, mark my words, I will bring out the spray paint. If I get caught, I'll blame it on Bush. =P


Saturday, January 1, 2011

Blog Cherry Popped!

 Jesus, Mary and Joseph! How do you start one these things?! Back in school, they gave you a topic sentence and you go with it. Blog...that's it? That's all I get. "Go ahead, Gaby...just blog." If it was that easy, then why doesn't everyone do it? Oh wait a sec, many do already. So, I decided to make this easy for myself. Let's pick a theme, a topic.
 Some of you have already heard of this "taking a picture for each day of the year" business, right? Well, I decided to change it up a bit. Mostly, because I think it's cheesy, unoriginal, and slightly boring to just take a picture each day of the year. My 6 year old nephew takes great pictures. I gotta upstage a 6 yr old. Don't judge. You would do it too. Instead, I decided to go crazy and "BAM!", go Emeril on this shit! I will be blogging everyday (HA! we'll see about that), about something new that I have never done, witness, or heard. For example, today...this very moment...you are witnessing and experiencing my blog cherry being popped. Oh. That felt good. Cigarette? Yes, please.
 Friends, strangers, maybe the occasional family member, please don't get seduced and bewildered by my blog's title. This is a family-appropriate blog, with the slight chance of cussing, sexually inappropriate, racist, comically induced comments here and there. Don't forget cheeky and sarcastic. 
 Start the new year of 2011 with a bang! Blog life, here I come! Although I think I'm mentally ready for all the criticism and opinions that come along with starting a blog, I'm not sure if I'm emotionally and mature enough to handle it well.  Bring it, bitches!

WARNING: Due to laziness, fatigue, possible hangovers, lack of sleep, and pure apathy, please feel free to ignore any grammatical errors or misplacement of punctuation marks. PUT THE RED PEN AWAY! Fragments are our friends. At least they were mine throughout most of middle school and high school. In college, I decided to use my female assets and get a boy to write my essays for me. Again, don't judge. It wasn't ALL the time.

Happy New Year, punks! Feel free to leave comments. I accept anonymous readers, but I respect and admire those with big enough testes to put their names. bwahahahaha

P.S. I'm also accepting any suggestions of things I may be a "virgin" too. Don't be a wise guy. Nothing to do with spiders, please. Unless you want me to stop blogging, due to death caused by a heart attack.